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Loose A Pound
Loose a pound of fat… what does it take? Not eating for a day? Not eating for a week? Eating less? How much less?
Professionals say that it takes 3500 calories in order to loose One Pound of fat you stored in your body. That simply means that...
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Divorce--When "Forever" Is Just Too Long
Are you unhappy with your spouse and your marriage? Are you seriously thinking about divorce? No matter how you deal with it, divorce is a messy process. When two people, who have taken a vow to stay together forever, decide that forever is much...
Emotional Freedom - At YOUR Fingertips!
What would you say if I told you I know of a simple method that can make emotional stress such as upset, anger, fear, concern and distress simply melt away in a few minutes and all you had to do to achieve this is simply touch a few "magical...
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A Bird's Eye View of THE ENCHANTED SELF and what it means to YOU! - Part 1
The Rebbe Nachman of Breslow often said, “Always remember-Joy is not merely incidental to your spiritual quest. It is vital.” As the years have gone by and I’ve been in the practice of psychology over 20 years, I have become more and more...
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Finding Mr. Or Ms. Perfect
Children’s limited experience of life makes them believe that their parents are always good and that adults can always be trusted. Carried over into adult life and love, this way of thinking forms the psychology of the first summit—the first period of our involvement with another when love is experienced as rapturous. Our new partner seems faultless, good in every way.
Terri had felt unloved all her life. When she began a relationship with a man who doted on her and always wanted to be by her side, she thought she had found the “perfect man.” But, it didn’t last. Gradually, she realized that Andrew was an alcoholic who had no life of his own apart from the excitement he found in starting a new relationship. Terri’s experience was the product of her childhood tendency to think in “all or nothing” terms.
The pattern of Terri’s romance is one I have seen repeated many times. Excited clients come in at the beginning of a relationship and tell me that they have found the “perfect person.” Unfortunately, disappointment awaits them. When it comes, they fall off the rapturous summit of first love and tumble down into the valley. The partner who was “all-perfect” becomes “all-bad” and worth “nothing.”
Neither view is very realistic. If you want to build a relationship that will last, you’ll have to come to grips with the humanity and failings of your intimate partner. Surrendering the “all or nothing” ideal is a necessary loss, but what you can
gain is so much more. I know.
I did not give up easily on the idea that relationships are like fairy tales we heard as children. But, I have learned that relating to the complexity of another human being is ultimately more satisfying than squashing them into an “all good” or “all bad” mold. At the same time, it is the sign of a healthy relationship if a couple has managed to retain some of the excitement and interest in each other that was there at the beginning. We keep contact both with the idealism of rapturous love and with reality by referring to each other as “imperfectly perfect”!
Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D
About the Author: Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com
Source: www.isnare.com
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