WHERE DO YOUR ATTITUDES COME FROM?

I believe that heredity (the genes that you inherit) have some part in forming attitudes. However, most important in shaping them, is the family environment, especially in your early childhood: the impressionable years up to the age of seven. Also critical are your lifetime experiences and events (whether happy or traumatic) in later years. What is happening in your life today, yesterday and all those past years. There are three areas of life in which your attitudes are formed.

1. A sense of BELONGING which is picked up before birth. The "vibes" in the womb of the mother (hard to be a father in this process) will determine whether we are really wanted by the mother, and this can determine our degree of security (or insecurity) in later life. You sound just like a psychologist now, Craig.

2. Your sense of WORTH will be determined by your immediate family in your early childhood. They instil in you an inner sense of well-being and of being loved. The role of mothers and fathers is critical in the socialization process for the development of your attitudes. Their expectations of you play a big part in your life script.

3. Your sense of COMPETENCE will also originate in the family environment. That is why it is very important to praise and encourage children. If they are continually reprimanded, children will feel that they can't ever do things right. This then develops into the child thinking, "I am a person of no worth who is no good at anything." This attitude grows over time and can be re-inforced in the working environment. Even extremely competent business executives can feel insecure on a personal level and have difficulty in personal relationships.

DEVELOPING SUCCESS ATTITUDES

Golda Meier, an earlier Prime Minister of Israel, was once asked what made Israel such a success against the might of the united Arab armies. Israel, as you most probably know, is a small country set in the middle of a desert, with virtually no natural resources and no wealth. Meier replied, "All that my country has is the spirit of it's people. If the people lost their spirit, not even the might of the United States of America could save us." A right attitude throughout the country overcame all the odds and insurmountable difficulties throughout it's turbulent history.

The top salesman for Bell telephones in America is a quadriplegic. Although he can only blink his eyes and open his mouth, his attitude and perseverance have made him num-ber one. (Stanford University after doing extensive research, said that all success is 87.5% as a result of your attitudes. Your skills, abilities and knowledge make up the other 12.5%).

HOW DO I GET THE RIGHT ATTITUDE?

1. Enlist the co-operation of a positive close friend that you can confide in. Share your personal goals and dreams. Ignore the "knockers" who will try to put you down out of jealousy (the "tall poppy syndrome" so prevalent here in New

2. Seek out the right people (successful and enthusiastic ones who have the right attitude). DON'T NEGLECT YOUR OLD FRIENDS TO GET IDEAS; but remember, your potential has nothing to do with your ultimate performance.

3. Select a model to emulate or follow...who you would like to be like? (Only if you are not happy with the way you are.)

4. Learn from your mistakes. Daley Thompson, the former great British athlete in the decathlon said... "I will learn morethan any other experience from my failures than my successes ."In his goal setting, Thompson was content to grow slowly, because slow growth is more solid, and he did it in small steps.

Look beyond your mistakes and savour successful experiences. Don't feel embarrassed or uncomfortable about your achievements. Make daily affirmations to yourself that you are doing well and are on the right track. Reward yourself for minor achievements, or steps on the road to your bigger goals. Give yourself credit, no matter how small your achievements, because mental rewards will boost your motivation. All rewards must come from within. This conditioning will cultivate a positive attitude in you. (Just like Pavlov's dogs were conditioned to salivate through association of ideas.) I remember that from my studies in psychology "many many moons" ago.

EXPECT SUCCESS:
Look forward to positive outcomes and rehearse them in your mind, rather than anticipating failure. Don't repeat bad experiences-our attitude ties us down and limits us, so that mediocrity becomes our destiny.

5. Make the most of any situation you find yourself in. Try not to be anxious. Things will work out in the end.

6. Avoid self-pity. Resilient people don't feel sorry for themselves too long. The person who wallows in self-pity or bitterness, spends too much time on introspection and not enough time plotting a comeback.

7. Be persistent. Winning often means getting up one more time than you have been knocked down. Persevere and never give up.

8. Adapt to change and see it as a challenge rather than as uncertain and frightening.

9. Always keep things in perspective. Because our job is such a big part of our self image, a career set-back can make us lose perspective. If you become unemployed, don't see yourself as a failure, but rather as having options and an opportunity to pursue a new direction in your life.

and finally,

10. Believe in yourself, but trust in God .

YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR DESTINY and
YOUR ATTITUDE DETERMINES YOUR ALTITUDE

Craig Lock has written extensively in the field of self help. This extract is from his first published book HANDBOOK TO SURVIVE - a collection of writings on various subjects to help every man or woman survive in a rapidly changing, uncertain world.
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