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Ways Father's can Invest in Their Children
One of the primary negative impacts on children is the lack of a consistent, nurturing father or father-figure. One of the primary predictors of future violent behavior in boys is how much neglect they perceive from their father. It’s not enough...
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How To Heal Your Heart
We all experience severe heart break at some time in our lives. For many it happens in childhood or adolescence, the time when we are most vulnerable. A cold mother, an absent father, being different in any way from our peers and ostracized for it...
The War on Women
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Online Dating 101 - The Basics
nline Dating 101 by Kevin Koger Feeling like there’s something that’s just not quite there yet in how you’re going about this whole online dating thing? Don’t feel bad, chances are you’re one of the many people who’re still pretty new to this gig....
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take the child's perspective
Over 90 per cent of American parents rely on physical punishment to correct children’s behavior, according to The Journal of Sociology. 1999.
That statistic scares me. I’d like every parent or person in a position of trust to take the child’s perspective before you impose physical punishment.
How would feel if you were only three feet tall and an adult was looming over you, yelling, screaming, and swinging their hands in your direction? Consider the fear this could instill. Imagine the confusion as the person who is supposed to nurture you, and provide you with safety, imposes some level of inescapable pain on you. Would you scream, cry, act out, or run away?
We should ask ourselves, “What are we teaching children by imposing physical punishment?” I see a moral paradox in teaching a child not to hit by hitting them or teaching them not to scream by yelling at them.
One of the most trying times in many parents day is bedtime. Parents seem to think that children should automatically fall asleep. Perhaps paddling or shouting will intimidate them enough to “shut up and go to sleep” when it’s not automatic. Take the child’s perspective. Have you ever had insomnia? Would getting slapped out of frustration convince you to fall asleep? Have you ever tossed and turned all
night? Do you sleep well when you’re scared? Children are no different.
Adults have options to help them get to sleep. Children are required to lay in bed, quiet and still whether they are tired or not. Eventually, they’ll sleep but consider the trauma they may experience in the process.
Behavioral psychology teaches that rewarding positive behavior is more effective than punishing undesirable behavior. Developmental psychology has found soothing sounds, calm environments, and structure positively impact behavior.
Stop punishing and start rewarding. Figure out what you want your children to do and reward them for it. Rewards can be complimenting and praising them, small pieces of candy, time spent playing a favorite game, time spent watching a favorite television show, or anything else special to the child. Acknowledge them as children who are loved and nurtured.
High energy, breaking things, not paying attention, spilling things, running wild and being loud are part of being a child. Children are not miniature adults and shouldn’t be expected to act like adults.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Darrin F. Coe holds a master's degree in professional psychology and is the father of two pre-school boys. contact at http://dcoe1.tripod.com
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