What is your PROBLEM? There Must Be 50 Ways to…”
“What is your problem?” Have you ever gotten exasperated and asked someone that in “that” tone of voice?
Mary: “I want to move near my grandchildren, but how on earth will I move myself up there alone?”
You: “Just call a moving company. What is your PROBLEM?”
Abby: “I hate being an entrepreneur, but you have no idea how hard it is to get back into a corporation with all the downsizing.
You: “Just call a career coach. What is your PROBLEM?”
Millicent: “I ought to get a raise, but how on earth do I ask him for one?”
You: “Just ask. What is your PROBLEM?”
Antonio: “How on earth do I tell my wife I’m in love with another woman?”
You: “Just tell her. What is your PROBLEM?”
Liu: “I hate this house. I hate it.”
You: You’ve been saying that for 3 years now. What is your PROBLEM?”
What is the PROBLEM when the solution is so EASY?
++Easy to us who are on the outside.
++Easy to us who are not emotionally involved and can therefore be objective
++Easy for us who are not hamstrung by ambivalence (indecision) and can think clearly
++Easy for us because we can think logically, and the steps are obvious IF the decision has been made AND there are no emotions involved.
How do you ask for a raise? Gosh, there must be 50 ways to ask for a raise.
Remember that great old song by Paul Simon, “There Must Be 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover”?
He’s talking with a woman …
”The problem is all inside your head,” she tells him. “The answer is easy if you take it logically. I’d like to help you with your struggle to be free. There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.”
When we’re in an emotional situation, we can be
“flooded” and unable to think clearly. We get “hijacked.” How do you ask for a raise? You ask for a raise. And it can really get painful to be hung up that way.
“It grieves me so to see you in such pain,” she continues in the song. “I wish there was something I could do to make you smile again.”
He says he appreciates that, “and would you please explain about the 50 ways?”
Slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don’t need to be coy, Roy
Just listen to me.
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don’t need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free.
And then she has a good idea. “Why don’t we just sleep on it tonight,” she says, and then she kisses him, and he “realized she probably was right … there must be 50 ways to leave your lover.”
Smart girl! She didn’t have a PROBLEM figuring out how to get what she wanted.
Emotions motivate us. We will sit on the fence until the pain gets too bad in one direction, or the expected pleasure too great in the other direction.
And when we get the feelings that motivate us, we discover there must be 50 ways to …
As the poet said, “Kisses are a better fate than wisdom.” Emotions are our guides. That’s what Emotional Intelligence is all about.
©Susan Dunn, MA Clinical Psychology, cEQc, The EQ Coach™, http://www.susandunn.cc . Coaching for all your needs – transitions, resilience, career, relationships, Emotional Intelligence. Distance learning courses, resources, the EQ eBook Library – http://www.webstrategies.cc/ebooklibrary.html .
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